All right. Let's start off with a video shall we?
I hope that disturbed you as much as it did me. Oh yes, it made me mad. Mad I say! I think, no, I KNOW I yelled at the TV the first time I saw that commercial. I mean, seriously... "Once upon a time there were books." !!!!! Are you kidding me!?!? Um... books still exist! In fact, there are entire buildings dedicated to them. They're called Libraries. And I think heaven is a giant one. I love books. I love how they look, I love how they feel, I love how they smell. Yes, smell. I especially love reading them. Entire afternoons of my childhood were devoted to climbing the tree in my backyard with a book in my hand and staying there reading it until it was too dark out to see the words on the page. I started out with Mercer Mayer and the Zipparumpazoos in elementary school and ended up with Terry Brooks and the Shannara series by Junior High. Yeah, I was a reader. So the implication that books no longer exist, or are passe and inferior to the new E-readers makes me a trifle .... irked. So, needless to say, I have issues with E-readers. As in, I dislike them. Intensely. Someone could try to make an argument that an E-reader with colorful animation and engaging audio makes reading more interesting for children. But my question to them is, is that really considered reading? I mean, if the attention is on moving pictures and sound um,.... isn't that ... TV? As in, not reading. How can anyone learn to love words, learn the value of word choice and word play, learn to create entire worlds with nothing but letters, when they're not really reading? The answer is: they can't. And that lack of appreciation for the written word by an entire generation saddens me enormously.
But something happened over the Thanksgiving break that made me happy. Or rather, enforced my belief that people, in general, are good. I was driving from Tennessee to Kentucky and accidentally locked my keys in my car at a gas station. Not my proudest moment. (And I'm not entirely sure how I managed it, as I had to unlock the door to get out and pump gas, but....anyway) The guy who ran the gas station came out and tried to use a coat hanger to unlock the door. Two other people drove up and tried to help. Three other people who drove up also tried. None were successful, but they tried to help. A woman in the laundry that was attached to the gas station offered to drive me back to Smyrna to get my set of spare keys. When I said that was too far for her to drive, she called a friend who had a slim jim car opener and drove there to get it. She brought it back and tried it. It didn't work. Another man, who happened to be a mechanic, drove up and tried to open the door with a sturdier coat hanger. He couldn't get it either. He said mine was the first car he'd run across that he couldn't open. An older gentleman then came by and let me use his phone after I remembered my mother had signed me up for AAA. He even offered to buy me lunch or something to drink while I waited for them to come. I said I was ok, but thanked him anyway. While I was sitting in the laundry waiting for AAA to call, the gentleman came back and handed me a sweater. He said he had driven to a christan run used clothing store down the road. I thought that was so nice of him, as I was extremely cold. (It was drizzly and my coat was locked in the car) So, people are good and I have an ugly blue sweater with brown leaves on it to prove it.
I'm not sure I deserve such kindness, though. I am an awful person where giving to charity is concerned. And by awful I don't mean that I don't donate money, but that they probably wish I didn't. Let me explain. I was driving home from ... somewhere one day and was listening to my mp3 player rather loudly when I saw the volunteer firefighters in my neighborhood on the side of the road trying to raise money. It's a worthy cause, so I roll down my window spend a few moments trying to get some money out of my wallet and hand it to them with a smile on my face. It was only after I drove away that I realized what had been blaring out of the speakers the entire time I was being philanthropic. The Bad Touch by the Bloodhound Gang. Yeah, It's kind of a dirty song. Yeah, I was listening to it. No, it's not typical of the music I listen to. But, it was what happened to be playing wile I was trying to do a good deed. It made me feel like a bad person. I forced my perversion on unsuspecting people. Good men and women who were just trying to raise money so they can keep me and the rest of the neighborhood safe. Yeah, I'm evil. I think the good karma from donating money was canceled out by the bad karma of assaulting someone's ears. But, on the upside, if I ever need to be rescued I've paid for it darn it. If they weren't offended and upset enough to let me burn, that is.
But let's go back to the themes of Words and Thanksgiving, shall we? I created a new word with my brother and cousins over the Thanksgiving break. Stresstipated. Shut up. It's a good word. Definitely should be added to the dictionary, or at least to the popular lexicon. My brother was saying how my cousin just held all his stress inside and didn't express it. I said that he was Stresstipated. I thought it was an apt expression. Everyone laughed and agreed that it was a good word anyway. So, yeah. Now I'm up to two words of my own invention. Flustrated and Stresstipated. Go me. I rock words socks off like sugar rocks mine. I think I'm going to make cookies tomorrow. Last Sunday was national cookie day, and I didn't make any. I was remiss.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
A Storm Cloud Over Happy Town
So let's start with a picture shall we?
(this picture is in relation to a Baptist Church in Kansas that protested San Diego Comic Con)
God Hates? Really? ........ I don't think so. But it amuses me they do. Maybe it should make me sad. Or Mad. But instead, it just makes me want to laugh. I mean, the claim to "know" how and what god thinks or will or won't do ...... That's pretty ballsy really. Cause whether you're right OR wrong, you're kind of trying to take on the role of judge, jury, and executioner which, as far as I remember was reserved for one being only. The Supreme Creator, the Omnipotent One, the general Ruler of the Whole Universe. And I thought the All Powerful One kind of frowned on that. I sure wouldn't want to have to explain it anyway. I mean, is there really be any acceptable response when God asks "SOOOOOO..... Why did you think YOU knew how to judge MY creations better than I did?" -______- I'm thinking not.
That's why I try not to judge people. (except when it's funny, of course) God must be ok with it though cause I think I got rewarded by him the other day. And it was all thanks to Devil's Night, aka Halloween. You see, we didn't buy any candy so we had turned the porch light off. Which, as everyone knows, means don't go to the door and ask for candy. But apparently someone didn't get that Mommy Memo because lo and behold the doorbell rang and there they were. Costumed Sugar Vultures. Bags open and eager for candy. But what sugary goodness to give them? Not my ice cream, for sure. But, aside from some Splenda packets, there was nothing else sweet in the house. Just when we thought we might have to give the kids bags of carrots or something else equally unHalloweenish, I remembered all my granola/protein bars. They're sweet enough to not get our house rolled with toilet paper, right? I mean, they've got a token coating of chocolate. They also look enough like a candy bar to fool a kid into thinking they're suitable unhealthy. But what granola bars did I give them? My Luna Chocolate Peppermint bars. My favorite ones. I was kicking myself for giving them the good ones when some of the less yummy ones would have worked. Sigh.... But, I remembered Trick or Treating, and I always wanted to get good candy when I went. So, it was just instinct to give them the best that I could. Those kids darn well better have appreciated them though because I really wanted those stupid Peppermint bars. And you know what? :D I got them the next day. They went on some sort of Super Sale for 50 cents each. I bought like 15 bars. Woo Hoo! Thank you Karma.
But let me tell you what we were doing before the Trick or Treaters surprised us. My brother and I were watching a TV show about why Zombies are so popular. There are people who study that stuff. I'm not even kidding. For example, did you know that there is such a thing as the Zombie Research Society? Well, I didn't, but there is. And they're for serious. They have recommendations for what to do in the event of a Zombie attack. For starters, you should have a 72 hour survival kit. It should contain some form of portable shelter, a walkie talkie for communicating with the still non undead, and food. In the show, they didn't mention anything about projectile weapons, sharp implements, blunt objects, or chainsaws in your survival kit. Though I think they would be very useful items. (I'd go for the projectile weapon myself, wanting to keep as much distance between me and the Zombies as possible) I think the guy they interviewed had his priorities wrong. I mean, Let's face it, if you need a first aid kit you're already done for anyway. Cause everyone knows if you get any sort of cut or bite or scrape, basically if you bleed AT ALL you're in the Future Zombie's of America club. And as for shelter, come on, is there any pop up tent that's going to keep out zombies? Nope. The walkie talkie? Eh... you're better off just holding out by yourself cause other people are guaranteed to do something stupid that will probably get you killed. Group survival rate in Zombie movies? The odds aren't good. But the food I agree with. You should always have food to eat. Especially when under siege by Zombies.
I've got the perfect food to put in my zombie survival kit too. I saw it at WalMart. It's Spanish and made especially for Halloween. It's called Pan de Muerto. The name literally translates to Bread of the Dead. It's a loaf of sweet bread shaped like a large flower and covered in sugar crystals. It's so nice looking. It's a pretty dead bread. :D It's kind of large for an emergency bag, though. The box it came in was bigger than my head. But it looked yummy, and it would be situation appropriate for a zombie survival kit. Plus, I could chuck the box at any attacking Zombies. Yeah. So, what would you have in your Zombie Survival Kit?
(this picture is in relation to a Baptist Church in Kansas that protested San Diego Comic Con)
God Hates? Really? ........ I don't think so. But it amuses me they do. Maybe it should make me sad. Or Mad. But instead, it just makes me want to laugh. I mean, the claim to "know" how and what god thinks or will or won't do ...... That's pretty ballsy really. Cause whether you're right OR wrong, you're kind of trying to take on the role of judge, jury, and executioner which, as far as I remember was reserved for one being only. The Supreme Creator, the Omnipotent One, the general Ruler of the Whole Universe. And I thought the All Powerful One kind of frowned on that. I sure wouldn't want to have to explain it anyway. I mean, is there really be any acceptable response when God asks "SOOOOOO..... Why did you think YOU knew how to judge MY creations better than I did?" -______- I'm thinking not.
That's why I try not to judge people. (except when it's funny, of course) God must be ok with it though cause I think I got rewarded by him the other day. And it was all thanks to Devil's Night, aka Halloween. You see, we didn't buy any candy so we had turned the porch light off. Which, as everyone knows, means don't go to the door and ask for candy. But apparently someone didn't get that Mommy Memo because lo and behold the doorbell rang and there they were. Costumed Sugar Vultures. Bags open and eager for candy. But what sugary goodness to give them? Not my ice cream, for sure. But, aside from some Splenda packets, there was nothing else sweet in the house. Just when we thought we might have to give the kids bags of carrots or something else equally unHalloweenish, I remembered all my granola/protein bars. They're sweet enough to not get our house rolled with toilet paper, right? I mean, they've got a token coating of chocolate. They also look enough like a candy bar to fool a kid into thinking they're suitable unhealthy. But what granola bars did I give them? My Luna Chocolate Peppermint bars. My favorite ones. I was kicking myself for giving them the good ones when some of the less yummy ones would have worked. Sigh.... But, I remembered Trick or Treating, and I always wanted to get good candy when I went. So, it was just instinct to give them the best that I could. Those kids darn well better have appreciated them though because I really wanted those stupid Peppermint bars. And you know what? :D I got them the next day. They went on some sort of Super Sale for 50 cents each. I bought like 15 bars. Woo Hoo! Thank you Karma.
But let me tell you what we were doing before the Trick or Treaters surprised us. My brother and I were watching a TV show about why Zombies are so popular. There are people who study that stuff. I'm not even kidding. For example, did you know that there is such a thing as the Zombie Research Society? Well, I didn't, but there is. And they're for serious. They have recommendations for what to do in the event of a Zombie attack. For starters, you should have a 72 hour survival kit. It should contain some form of portable shelter, a walkie talkie for communicating with the still non undead, and food. In the show, they didn't mention anything about projectile weapons, sharp implements, blunt objects, or chainsaws in your survival kit. Though I think they would be very useful items. (I'd go for the projectile weapon myself, wanting to keep as much distance between me and the Zombies as possible) I think the guy they interviewed had his priorities wrong. I mean, Let's face it, if you need a first aid kit you're already done for anyway. Cause everyone knows if you get any sort of cut or bite or scrape, basically if you bleed AT ALL you're in the Future Zombie's of America club. And as for shelter, come on, is there any pop up tent that's going to keep out zombies? Nope. The walkie talkie? Eh... you're better off just holding out by yourself cause other people are guaranteed to do something stupid that will probably get you killed. Group survival rate in Zombie movies? The odds aren't good. But the food I agree with. You should always have food to eat. Especially when under siege by Zombies.
I've got the perfect food to put in my zombie survival kit too. I saw it at WalMart. It's Spanish and made especially for Halloween. It's called Pan de Muerto. The name literally translates to Bread of the Dead. It's a loaf of sweet bread shaped like a large flower and covered in sugar crystals. It's so nice looking. It's a pretty dead bread. :D It's kind of large for an emergency bag, though. The box it came in was bigger than my head. But it looked yummy, and it would be situation appropriate for a zombie survival kit. Plus, I could chuck the box at any attacking Zombies. Yeah. So, what would you have in your Zombie Survival Kit?
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Floating Whale Feces Helps Keep the Ocean Alive
Ok. So we did make it to Dragoncon. Yipee! For those interested here is a Facebook album of the Parade with a few pictures of myself thrown in. Note the horns.
Just before I left for Dragoncon I learned how to lace myself into a corset. It's the best thing I've learned in years! YearS plural. For serious. I was so enamored with this new knowledge that I took advantage of the vendors room and doubled my corset menagerie. I now own a grand total of 4 corsets. Woot Woot! The White and Black leather striped one you see in the photo, a white embroidered one I will never wear to a wedding, an underbust pinstripe that I will rock with my pinstripe fedora, and a pink and tourqoise one that begs for something purple. I'd take pictures of them to show you, but I broke my camera. Or rather the car that ran over it broke it. yeah....
The first day of school was the last day of working life for my camera. Thank goodness the Garmin survived it. I blame the bag I borrowed from my stepmom. The bottomless pouch I put the garmin and camera in didn't help either. I took my MP3 player, the camera, and the garmin and ON PURPOSE to keep them SAFE I put them in my bag. And... then I walked out of the parking garage without another thought about them. Until a girl behind me stopped me and handed me something that had dropped out of said bag. It was poor James Brady, my Garmin. After thanking her I checked the bag and guess what I didn't find? Yup. The camera and MP3 player. Minutes of panic time as I retraced my steps through the garage to try to find my other valuables. Well, find them I did. In the middle of the driving lane. It didn't look good. And wonder of wonders I was right. It wasn't good. The MP3 player turned on and seemed to work. The camera turned on, but half the screen was lined with what would have been an otherwise lovely rainbow of stripes. It hasn't turned on since. Woe and Sadness. Woe and Sadness.
So School: For the next two years I will be studying to become a radiologic technician. I'll be takin X-rays of people, hee hee. I will not be radiating them into new forms of mutant life. (Unless they're really annoying, that is) But let me break it down for you so far,
Week 1: overwhelming and exciting and nerve wracking. Information overload. Change. Change. Change.
Week 2: Overwhelming. Self doubt filled paranoia culminating in a cry fest on the third day. So much information to remember. Get back into the study rhythm. Studying every free moment.
Week 3: First test done with. Still studying most every spare moment. Hospital staff and other students are all nice. Feeling ok. Will make it. Time is passing quickly. Come on two years. Hello good job?
Since I have no life other than school, work, and studying for school (aside from the time I'm writing this) I don't have much time to cook really. The horror! That saddens me more than losing the camera does. For reals. I ended up deciding that frozen dinners would have to constitute a large part of my diet for the next two years. I know, I know. The shame! One does need a place to put said frozen dinners though, so I bought a small chest freezer. It's in the garage now filled with frozen dinners, some hot peppers from the garden, and a loaf of pumpernickle bread. Oh and Ice cream. Yeah.... there is ice cream. Lots of ice cream. I can't have a freezer without ice cream pints in it. Oh no no no. That doesn't happen in Adamarieville. It would be like having a milkshake without milk. Not possible. And don't be all smart and try to prove it's possible, cause it aint I say. So, I currently have.... oh..... about 20 ice pints of frozen goodness. Hells Yeah.
Just before I left for Dragoncon I learned how to lace myself into a corset. It's the best thing I've learned in years! YearS plural. For serious. I was so enamored with this new knowledge that I took advantage of the vendors room and doubled my corset menagerie. I now own a grand total of 4 corsets. Woot Woot! The White and Black leather striped one you see in the photo, a white embroidered one I will never wear to a wedding, an underbust pinstripe that I will rock with my pinstripe fedora, and a pink and tourqoise one that begs for something purple. I'd take pictures of them to show you, but I broke my camera. Or rather the car that ran over it broke it. yeah....
The first day of school was the last day of working life for my camera. Thank goodness the Garmin survived it. I blame the bag I borrowed from my stepmom. The bottomless pouch I put the garmin and camera in didn't help either. I took my MP3 player, the camera, and the garmin and ON PURPOSE to keep them SAFE I put them in my bag. And... then I walked out of the parking garage without another thought about them. Until a girl behind me stopped me and handed me something that had dropped out of said bag. It was poor James Brady, my Garmin. After thanking her I checked the bag and guess what I didn't find? Yup. The camera and MP3 player. Minutes of panic time as I retraced my steps through the garage to try to find my other valuables. Well, find them I did. In the middle of the driving lane. It didn't look good. And wonder of wonders I was right. It wasn't good. The MP3 player turned on and seemed to work. The camera turned on, but half the screen was lined with what would have been an otherwise lovely rainbow of stripes. It hasn't turned on since. Woe and Sadness. Woe and Sadness.
So School: For the next two years I will be studying to become a radiologic technician. I'll be takin X-rays of people, hee hee. I will not be radiating them into new forms of mutant life. (Unless they're really annoying, that is) But let me break it down for you so far,
Week 1: overwhelming and exciting and nerve wracking. Information overload. Change. Change. Change.
Week 2: Overwhelming. Self doubt filled paranoia culminating in a cry fest on the third day. So much information to remember. Get back into the study rhythm. Studying every free moment.
Week 3: First test done with. Still studying most every spare moment. Hospital staff and other students are all nice. Feeling ok. Will make it. Time is passing quickly. Come on two years. Hello good job?
Since I have no life other than school, work, and studying for school (aside from the time I'm writing this) I don't have much time to cook really. The horror! That saddens me more than losing the camera does. For reals. I ended up deciding that frozen dinners would have to constitute a large part of my diet for the next two years. I know, I know. The shame! One does need a place to put said frozen dinners though, so I bought a small chest freezer. It's in the garage now filled with frozen dinners, some hot peppers from the garden, and a loaf of pumpernickle bread. Oh and Ice cream. Yeah.... there is ice cream. Lots of ice cream. I can't have a freezer without ice cream pints in it. Oh no no no. That doesn't happen in Adamarieville. It would be like having a milkshake without milk. Not possible. And don't be all smart and try to prove it's possible, cause it aint I say. So, I currently have.... oh..... about 20 ice pints of frozen goodness. Hells Yeah.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
In a Crocodillian Display of Love
Recommendations for Garmin names are no longer being accepted. (Not that anyone suggested anything, but hey that's fine) I have christened it James Brady. (well, I would have Christened it except the Catholic church wouldn't make an inanimate albeit electronic object the subject of an important religious service. At least I don't think they would, I didn't ask.) But I digress. In picking the name I had to take into account that this Garmin is just like me. It gets its rights and lefts confused. Seriously. I wish I were kidding because it's not a good trait in a navigation device. Nope, Nope, Nope. I know it gets confused because instead of telling me to turn right onto the little gravel road that led to the catfish restaurant it told me to turn left into a grass field with an abandoned barn. Yeah.... I'll have to watch out for that in future. So, because it's just like me, it needs a name in keeping with our similarities. In that spirit I named it James because of James May from the British Car show Top Gear. I happen to like him and his long hair, but more importantly, he was driving fairly fast along a back country gravel road and said to the passenger beside him "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot where I was going for a moment. Ha ha." That would be just like me. If I were driving fast down a back country road I'd forget where I was going too. So, that's why I picked the name James. I picked the second part of the name, Brady, because of it's Irish origin and meaning. It's an Irish surname transferred to unisex forename use, and derived from an Anglicized form of Gaelic Ó Brádaigh which means "descendant of Brádach," hence "large-chested." That name seemed to fit as well. So, James Brady and I will be going to a lot of places together. He even helped me find the place I needed to go to take my drug test today. So, yea for James Brady! I will forgive your occasional lapses in directional judgment.
But lets talk about a naming fail now, shall we? It comes by way of the Ball Glass Company. The company was started by a group of brothers with the last name Ball. They sold canning jars and have since branched out into all sorts of canning equipment and paraphernalia. Ready for the name fail? It's the name of their canning cookbook. It's the "Ball Blue Book of Preserving". Yeah. They really ... sigh... No. I can't do it. There's a great pun here. But, I won't go there. (Points for anyone who does though)
One place I really want to go is Dragoncon. It's this weekend in Atlanta, Ga. Awesome science fiction/fantasy convention. I look forward to it every year we've gone. We've planned it for a while now. Booked the rooms, bought the tickets. Only problem, we didn't plan on my brother being out of town and not able to watch the dogs. It's too late to kennel them and I'm not sure who, if anyone, we can get to watch them. I have no idea what we're going to do, but I hope we figure something out because I'd hate for any one of us to miss it. We'll see what the weekend brings, and where we'll be. The idea of not going makes me sad though.
In an effort to not think sad thoughts, I'll end with a funny one. It's about bulldogs. If you've ever heard me talk about dogs you know that I have a soft spot for Bulldogs. I like French Bulldogs with their little ugly puckered faces, but I especially like English Bulldogs with their fat wrinkled waddle walk. However, because of the breeding done to create such stocky .... stock the dogs have massive health problems. In talking about English Bulldogs their critics say that current health issues including breathing problems such as asthma and breeding problems such as "the need for artificial insemination, due to male ineptness and lack of drive" need to be addressed. Sigh... poor boy Bulldogs. ... Poor girl bulldogs.
But lets talk about a naming fail now, shall we? It comes by way of the Ball Glass Company. The company was started by a group of brothers with the last name Ball. They sold canning jars and have since branched out into all sorts of canning equipment and paraphernalia. Ready for the name fail? It's the name of their canning cookbook. It's the "Ball Blue Book of Preserving". Yeah. They really ... sigh... No. I can't do it. There's a great pun here. But, I won't go there. (Points for anyone who does though)
One place I really want to go is Dragoncon. It's this weekend in Atlanta, Ga. Awesome science fiction/fantasy convention. I look forward to it every year we've gone. We've planned it for a while now. Booked the rooms, bought the tickets. Only problem, we didn't plan on my brother being out of town and not able to watch the dogs. It's too late to kennel them and I'm not sure who, if anyone, we can get to watch them. I have no idea what we're going to do, but I hope we figure something out because I'd hate for any one of us to miss it. We'll see what the weekend brings, and where we'll be. The idea of not going makes me sad though.
In an effort to not think sad thoughts, I'll end with a funny one. It's about bulldogs. If you've ever heard me talk about dogs you know that I have a soft spot for Bulldogs. I like French Bulldogs with their little ugly puckered faces, but I especially like English Bulldogs with their fat wrinkled waddle walk. However, because of the breeding done to create such stocky .... stock the dogs have massive health problems. In talking about English Bulldogs their critics say that current health issues including breathing problems such as asthma and breeding problems such as "the need for artificial insemination, due to male ineptness and lack of drive" need to be addressed. Sigh... poor boy Bulldogs. ... Poor girl bulldogs.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Evisceration does not float my boat.
I got a Garmin. Yes Siree. I am now the proud owner of an electronic locator. Flight of the Navigator time, go! (only without the flying and time travel) So now, presumably, I will always know how to get where I'm going. Well, I won't know, but my garmin will. I may wreck getting there, but I'll know where I am. Very handy piece of information, that. You know, I should name it if I'm going to put my life in its hands. Wait. It doesn't have hands..... I hope this isn't an ill omen. Mayhap a nice naming ceremony complete with offerings of cute sticker adornments would appease it and distract it from its limbless state. My computers name is Llewelyn (welsh), I named my new wireless printer "the Scottsman". I'm thinking something Irish for the Garmin. Any suggestions?
My cousin and I bought each other shirts last time I came down to KY. I bought her one that had a picture of a peanut butter jar and a jelly jar and above them it said, "You complete me" which fits her perfectly as she is addicted to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches like geeks are to the internet. She bought me one that said "I'm not short, my temper is" Really cute. (The shirt, not my temper that is) They had a ton of neat shirts. One of them was a shirt that had a picture of a marshmallow, graham cracker, and a chocolate bar and it said "Smores than just friends". It was a scratch and sniff shirt. I repeat, Scratch. And. Sniff. Who wants to wear a scratch and sniff shirt? I certainly don't want people coming up and scratching and sniffing on me. That's just weird. For serious.
Speaking of things I bought while in KY.... um.... I bought one of the strangest impulse items evah. I stopped at a little retro/vintage store halfway between Ky and TN and I saw a 50's/60's Baby Blue Fridge/Freezer and Gas Stove. So cute! I looked at them. Drooled and Dreamed a little. Couldn't resist asking the price. $200 for both of them. He said they worked when he bought them 6 weeks ago. Working Fridge and Stove for $200? Sigh..... So I bought them. They were cute and food/kitchen related. I couldn't resist. I called my grandmother and told her about them and asked if I could store them in her junk room. Her voice had a happy tone when she said "yes, of course" I could. She's such an enabler. I think I'm like her reincarnation. If someone can be reincarnated before they die, that is. yeah.... So, now I am the proud owner of two large appliances that I won't be able to use for at least two years and might cost me a fair amount of money to get working when I can. What!? Don't judge me.
Judge these people instead, for they are truly sick and strange.
Koreans have no taste buds
I mean, just kill me now. Corndogs dipped in Chocolate. What disturbs me most is one of the comments. "When do you eat it? Is it dessert or dinner?" I'll tell you when you eat it. Never! Never, I say!
I think that is all for now. That is definitely all. Nothing can follow Chocolate Corndogs.
My cousin and I bought each other shirts last time I came down to KY. I bought her one that had a picture of a peanut butter jar and a jelly jar and above them it said, "You complete me" which fits her perfectly as she is addicted to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches like geeks are to the internet. She bought me one that said "I'm not short, my temper is" Really cute. (The shirt, not my temper that is) They had a ton of neat shirts. One of them was a shirt that had a picture of a marshmallow, graham cracker, and a chocolate bar and it said "Smores than just friends". It was a scratch and sniff shirt. I repeat, Scratch. And. Sniff. Who wants to wear a scratch and sniff shirt? I certainly don't want people coming up and scratching and sniffing on me. That's just weird. For serious.
Speaking of things I bought while in KY.... um.... I bought one of the strangest impulse items evah. I stopped at a little retro/vintage store halfway between Ky and TN and I saw a 50's/60's Baby Blue Fridge/Freezer and Gas Stove. So cute! I looked at them. Drooled and Dreamed a little. Couldn't resist asking the price. $200 for both of them. He said they worked when he bought them 6 weeks ago. Working Fridge and Stove for $200? Sigh..... So I bought them. They were cute and food/kitchen related. I couldn't resist. I called my grandmother and told her about them and asked if I could store them in her junk room. Her voice had a happy tone when she said "yes, of course" I could. She's such an enabler. I think I'm like her reincarnation. If someone can be reincarnated before they die, that is. yeah.... So, now I am the proud owner of two large appliances that I won't be able to use for at least two years and might cost me a fair amount of money to get working when I can. What!? Don't judge me.
Judge these people instead, for they are truly sick and strange.
Koreans have no taste buds
I mean, just kill me now. Corndogs dipped in Chocolate. What disturbs me most is one of the comments. "When do you eat it? Is it dessert or dinner?" I'll tell you when you eat it. Never! Never, I say!
I think that is all for now. That is definitely all. Nothing can follow Chocolate Corndogs.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Tomato vs Tomatoe or in other words Happy Birthday Daniel
I'd like to talk about the Pomeranians I live with again. Do you remember in the last post I told you how my dad was training them to eat humans? Well, this time I'd like to talk about what comes out of them rather than what goes in. And specifically WHERE they release it at. I sleep on the couch, so there is no door to close and no room to lock them out of. Now, this does not normally present a problem as I love the fur balls and actually like that sometimes they want to sleep near me. However....there are exceptions. Such as the other morning. I woke up, pulled back the covers, and got up to get ready for work. When I came back to the living room to take my covers off the couch I reached my hand down and right into a wet spot. My first thought was, water? Please let this be water. Nope. It wasn't. It was pee. Dog pee. One of them had peed on my covers. Peed right where I sleep! On something that probably still smelled like me! Thank goodness I wasn't still under those covers. They haven't peed on my yet..... Yet. I'm just waiting for the morning that I'm forced awake sputtering and trying to catch my breath because I'm drowning in a puddle of pee. That'll be the day. (The day the dogs are put in the kitchen with the baby gate across the doorway that is)
As I am not protected, yet, against nightly fountains of dog pee, I am also not protected from alien attacks on my brain. But a woman I saw last night at Wal Mart is! I was checking out (had to buy some canning stuff for salsa) and I saw a woman in another checkout line ahead of me with something on her head that I can only describe as a gold shower cap. And when I say it was gold I mean it shined, as in it was reflective enough to flag down helicopters. It was like she took tin foil, spray painted it, and stuck it on her head. It reminded me of the movie "Signs" where Joaquin Phoenix's character puts on a tin foil helmet so that the aliens can't read his thoughts. Now, I'm not sure why this woman might have suspected an alien mind flayer attack on her at 8pm on a Monday evening in Antioch, TN, but she's protected from it if it happens. Either that or she's worried she'll get murdered by a drug cartel and her body discarded in a rain forest where the gold shower cap will help searchers find her corpse. Either way....
Speaking of fashion, I've decided to embark on a little something I call Operation Bikini Body. I recently went on our family vacation to Dale Hollow Lake on the KY/TN border and, as it is a lake destination we did spend a large portion of our time swimming. Now, despite the massive amount of time I spent in the water I didn't have, and haven't had for a few years, a decent and proper swimsuit. So I've decided that next year I'm going to buy one. Not just any swimsuit though. A bikini. I've never been able to wear a bikini before. Heck I've never even come close to being able to wear one. I've always been the chubby girl. Compared to my cousins I always will be. But, I think maybe just maybe I could pull one off. And if I'm ever going to 1) be brave enough to wear one and 2) have a body that will look decent in one I'd better do it now cause I'm only getting older and with each passing year my body is only going to either fall down or fill in so it's now or never baby. So I guess I'll have to hit the gym and lay off the ice cream pints and hope that a year will be enough time to accomplish my mission of being Bikini Worthy. I've been looking at different suits and found a few I like. What do you think?
Of course, since it is a family vacation and my mother would have an issue, which is putting it mildly, with my wearing a bikini in public I might also buy a one piece suit to wear. Enter the following:
Totally proper and appropriate, eh? Much better than the shirt and shorts I have been wearing, yes? So .... Operation Bikini Body, GO!
As I am not protected, yet, against nightly fountains of dog pee, I am also not protected from alien attacks on my brain. But a woman I saw last night at Wal Mart is! I was checking out (had to buy some canning stuff for salsa) and I saw a woman in another checkout line ahead of me with something on her head that I can only describe as a gold shower cap. And when I say it was gold I mean it shined, as in it was reflective enough to flag down helicopters. It was like she took tin foil, spray painted it, and stuck it on her head. It reminded me of the movie "Signs" where Joaquin Phoenix's character puts on a tin foil helmet so that the aliens can't read his thoughts. Now, I'm not sure why this woman might have suspected an alien mind flayer attack on her at 8pm on a Monday evening in Antioch, TN, but she's protected from it if it happens. Either that or she's worried she'll get murdered by a drug cartel and her body discarded in a rain forest where the gold shower cap will help searchers find her corpse. Either way....
Speaking of fashion, I've decided to embark on a little something I call Operation Bikini Body. I recently went on our family vacation to Dale Hollow Lake on the KY/TN border and, as it is a lake destination we did spend a large portion of our time swimming. Now, despite the massive amount of time I spent in the water I didn't have, and haven't had for a few years, a decent and proper swimsuit. So I've decided that next year I'm going to buy one. Not just any swimsuit though. A bikini. I've never been able to wear a bikini before. Heck I've never even come close to being able to wear one. I've always been the chubby girl. Compared to my cousins I always will be. But, I think maybe just maybe I could pull one off. And if I'm ever going to 1) be brave enough to wear one and 2) have a body that will look decent in one I'd better do it now cause I'm only getting older and with each passing year my body is only going to either fall down or fill in so it's now or never baby. So I guess I'll have to hit the gym and lay off the ice cream pints and hope that a year will be enough time to accomplish my mission of being Bikini Worthy. I've been looking at different suits and found a few I like. What do you think?
Of course, since it is a family vacation and my mother would have an issue, which is putting it mildly, with my wearing a bikini in public I might also buy a one piece suit to wear. Enter the following:
Totally proper and appropriate, eh? Much better than the shirt and shorts I have been wearing, yes? So .... Operation Bikini Body, GO!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Sometimes Yaks Kick
I think my dad is inadvertently training our three Pomeranians to become voracious attack dogs that rip off large chunks of flesh from their human victims. It all started with Limburger Cheese. Dad bought some. Do you know what Limburger Cheese is? I didn't know what it was, only that it was supposed to have a rather ..... strong ..... smell and, as such, was not a very popular cheese. But, in the spirit of culinary adventure, and because I love cheese on principle and in general, I tried some when dad was eating it. I sniffed it first. It wasn't pleasant. It smelled, but I couldn't decide what it smelled like. As I put it into my mouth I tried to get used to and past the olfactory overload, but I couldn't. I did try. But I didn't like it. There was just something about it that was, nasty and rank. I found out what. Turns out the bacteria used to make Limburger Cheese is the same bacteria in human skin that causes body odor. Yeah.... that's why it smells bad. BO has taken physical form in Limburger Cheese. That explains why I don't like it. But ... Dad likes it. He loves it, in fact. And, apparently, so do the dogs. He was feeding them little bits of it periodically as he was eating it and they were gobbling it down and leaning forward for more. They do have a good sense of smell, I'm sure they could tell they were eating something that smelt like humans. They're developing a taste for us. I'm almost scared to go to sleep. I might wake up missing body parts. Then again, the dogs like me. I think. Maybe they'll go after someone else to get a fix. But there's something more worrisome here. Dad likes the cheese. That means he's developing a taste for humans. He's a future cannibal. If you ever get stranded on an island with a group of strangers, you better hope he's not one of them. In fact, you should probably ask anyone you plan to spend time alone with if they like Limburger Cheese. Just as a precautionary measure, you understand.
But let's speak of Ice Cream now, shall we? Ice cream is made of yummy yummy cold sugarey goodness. No one would want to be a cannibal if they had ice cream. In fact, I'm pretty sure even zombies would choose ice cream over brains. Ice Cream is that Awesome. I believe I've spoken before of my love for the frozen confection, yes? Yes. Well, last Sunday I was able to indulge my ice cream fantasy in an all you can eat ice cream event known as the Martha OBrien Ice Cream Crankin. Sponsored by Purity Dairies, local teams create ice cream flavors that are then judged by a panel of "ice cream experts". The winning flavor gets mass produced by the dairy and sold in stores the following spring. But here's the best part, after parting with a $13 entrance fee (it is supposed to be a charity fund raiser after all), the public gets to go around and sample as many flavors of ice cream as their stomachs can hold. I had grand aspirations of tasting every flavor available. I didn't succeed. I wish my stomach was bigger or my dairy tolerance was greater. I know I ate at least two pints worth of ice cream. Near the end, I was partially doubled over like a hunchback from stomach pain. I ate so much that I approached the vomit threshold. I had to stop though. I didn't want to cross that threshold and end up in the fetal position on the ground. Before I gave up my goal of being a human pinata stuffed with ice cream I tried some wonderful flavors though. Here are the standouts:
Triple Ginger - ice cream made with ground ginger, fresh ginger, and candied ginger
Mexican Tequila Vanilla - vanilla ice cream flavored with tequila and real vanilla beans
Wildflower Honey - made with tennessee wildflower honey
Very Lemon - tart just sweet enough ice cream with real lemon flavor
Peanut Butter and Jelly - peanut butter ice cream with a jelly and graham cracker swirl
Nerdy Grapalicious - Grape Ice Cream with Nerds
It got me thinking of what Ice Cream flavors I'd make if I were ever to give up running around like a mad woman trying to stuff as much ice cream as possible into my mouth (not likely). I think I'd make the following:
Captain Morgan's Hot Buttered Rum
Elvis's Nanners and Nuts - Banana Ice Cream with a Peanut Butter Swirl and Honey Roasted Peanuts
Thyme for Ice Cream - Thyme flavored Ice Cream
Sesame Crunch - Sesame Ice Cream with Sesame Crunch Candy bits
Mojito - Lime Mint Ice Cream
Summer Fun - Cotton Candy Ice Cream with Nerds, Pop Rocks, and Sprinkles
Hours after I got home I was having minor ice cream cramps. It felt like I really was having ice creams baby. Like the shirt says:
Also
Dear world,
Send me a man who would to wear these John Fluevog John Wayne Spotted Pony shoes:
Thank you
But let's speak of Ice Cream now, shall we? Ice cream is made of yummy yummy cold sugarey goodness. No one would want to be a cannibal if they had ice cream. In fact, I'm pretty sure even zombies would choose ice cream over brains. Ice Cream is that Awesome. I believe I've spoken before of my love for the frozen confection, yes? Yes. Well, last Sunday I was able to indulge my ice cream fantasy in an all you can eat ice cream event known as the Martha OBrien Ice Cream Crankin. Sponsored by Purity Dairies, local teams create ice cream flavors that are then judged by a panel of "ice cream experts". The winning flavor gets mass produced by the dairy and sold in stores the following spring. But here's the best part, after parting with a $13 entrance fee (it is supposed to be a charity fund raiser after all), the public gets to go around and sample as many flavors of ice cream as their stomachs can hold. I had grand aspirations of tasting every flavor available. I didn't succeed. I wish my stomach was bigger or my dairy tolerance was greater. I know I ate at least two pints worth of ice cream. Near the end, I was partially doubled over like a hunchback from stomach pain. I ate so much that I approached the vomit threshold. I had to stop though. I didn't want to cross that threshold and end up in the fetal position on the ground. Before I gave up my goal of being a human pinata stuffed with ice cream I tried some wonderful flavors though. Here are the standouts:
Triple Ginger - ice cream made with ground ginger, fresh ginger, and candied ginger
Mexican Tequila Vanilla - vanilla ice cream flavored with tequila and real vanilla beans
Wildflower Honey - made with tennessee wildflower honey
Very Lemon - tart just sweet enough ice cream with real lemon flavor
Peanut Butter and Jelly - peanut butter ice cream with a jelly and graham cracker swirl
Nerdy Grapalicious - Grape Ice Cream with Nerds
It got me thinking of what Ice Cream flavors I'd make if I were ever to give up running around like a mad woman trying to stuff as much ice cream as possible into my mouth (not likely). I think I'd make the following:
Captain Morgan's Hot Buttered Rum
Elvis's Nanners and Nuts - Banana Ice Cream with a Peanut Butter Swirl and Honey Roasted Peanuts
Thyme for Ice Cream - Thyme flavored Ice Cream
Sesame Crunch - Sesame Ice Cream with Sesame Crunch Candy bits
Mojito - Lime Mint Ice Cream
Summer Fun - Cotton Candy Ice Cream with Nerds, Pop Rocks, and Sprinkles
Hours after I got home I was having minor ice cream cramps. It felt like I really was having ice creams baby. Like the shirt says:
Also
Dear world,
Send me a man who would to wear these John Fluevog John Wayne Spotted Pony shoes:
Thank you
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